The Silent Burden of Being Leader
by GhostiesandGhoulies
Summary: Reflective one-shot more or less in Leonardo's P.O.V. in which he reflects on the pros and cons of being leader and the eldest in the family. It's his silent burden. I felt like switching things up and doing a Leo centric for once. Something I've always thought about when I see Leo.


**I was inspired by a song, Everybody Wants to Rule the World. But not the original, but rather the cover by Lorde. It's magnificent. I highly recommend giving it a listen to help get into the mood for this story.**

**Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles belong to Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird.**

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><p>Leonardo knew he wasn't the perfect leader. He knew that he made bad calls here and there, or misjudged a situation in the heat of the moment. It was incredibly easy to mess up. The knowledge that one misstep could mean life or death for him and his brothers was like a constant echo in his mind.<p>

He also knew that it was common for his brothers to underestimate the amount of responsibility that placed on his shoulders. It was equivalent to balancing the Earth on one's shoulders, one fell tilt and everything could fall apart. It was stressful but he also realized that they wouldn't understand unless they took up the position themselves.

It was exhausting at times to always be the responsible one, to have to think so quickly on delicate matters in the heat of a moment, to always bear such a burden alone. At times he hated it, wishing that Splinter could've chosen someone else. He wished to be as carefree as his three younger siblings but it was not possible for the leader.

No, the leader was strong, focused, disciplined, realistic and responsible. It was his job to protect his brothers, no matter what the cost. If it meant giving his life, he'd do it. Though even if he weren't the leader that would be true. It was also his job to be the calm voice of reason during a battle. The voice that could bring them back to focus on the battle or situation at hand, the one that could call out to them and instantly gain their attention. He had to look at things as they were, not as they might or could be. But he had to look at everything as a whole and analyze everything in the span of seconds.

As the leader he had to take everything their Sensei said to heart, even going so far as to be the 'teacher's pet' because he couldn't learn everything he needed in order to lead on his own. He needed Splinter's advice, criticism and words of wisdom to learn and grow. If he did not learn from his mistakes, then they would surely be made again and could have devastating effects.

Being the leader meant he feared many things but he kept them at bay so as not to show he was afraid. He was terrified every time they ventured to the surface because it was another chance for one of them to be injured in a fight or for something terrible to happen. In the lair they were pretty well protected but out in the city they had only their physical defenses working for them. He was afraid for their safety every time they got into a fight. Too often one of them ended up getting injured and they quickly abandoned the fight to take care of that sibling. He feared that one time he might arrive to late in protecting one of them from a hit they couldn't have seen coming. That they would get hit because he hadn't reacted fast enough. He also was deathly afraid of the possible weapons their adversaries might carry. Blades, pipes and bats they could handle no problem but when they came across the occasional gun wielding thug, the odds of serious injury increased dramatically.

Having such fears increased his drive to train more fiercely. If he could increase his reaction time, or perfect a certain kata, it could mean avoiding such a situation. He trained himself to listen to everything when the air was filled with sound, to be able and pick apart the sounds and depict what he was hearing could also save one of his brothers injury. He worked on his aim when throwing his katanas in case he ever needed to throw one to block an attack or take down an enemy. He read extensively on different strategies so as to increase his repertoire.

Despite all of his training and studying, there were still times where something unexpected happened. He hated it.

Being the leader also meant he had to ensure his 'team' was in shape, prepared for anything and healthy. This also required that he be able to read his brothers easily. To be able and pick up on subtle winces or instances where one of them might momentarily clutch at an old injury or whatever the case may be, was a necessity. If they weren't ready, or healthy, or even healed enough, he had to know. To prevent any further injury or worsen their condition, he might tell them to stay home. He hated getting those broken looks from Michelangelo, or those disbelieving gazes from Donatello, even the scowls and glares from Raphael were hated. He didn't want to be the 'bad guy', but he had to be because he was the leader.

Every time he got on them for a sloppy form in a kata, or told them to strike harder, or even that they needed to train more, he wanted them to know it wasn't because he was 'perfect' and wanted them to be as well. It was because he cared for them. It was his job as the eldest and the leader to make sure they learned all they could and were trained correctly. If he saw something that was flawed he called it out because he knew they would better themselves from the knowledge that they had done it incorrectly. He had the utmost faith in them and that was why he corrected their mistakes.

There were times when he truly feared his position as leader. Having so much responsibility on one's shoulders was overwhelming at times. He often stressed himself out simply by thinking about all of the things he needed to work on. Which was why he meditated so often. It gave him time to block everything else out so he could focus on his thoughts. Plus it was a reprieve from the bustle of everyday life. An hour or so of absolute peace.

Commonly, Leo asked himself if he was ready to die for his family. Every time they ventured topside he steeled himself for the possibility of losing his life, just in case such a situation were to occur. He was the oldest. He had a responsibility to his brothers, he'd be damned before he tossed that aside.

Though, despite everything he disliked about being the leader, there were some definite plus sides.

Ultimately, unless he were to pass it off to someone else, the last call was his. He spouted off the plan of action and ensured that everyone knew the plan (even if it incorporated going over it several times for Michelangelo's benefit). There might be several ideas but in the end, he made the choice of what to follow and what to acknowledge but discard. Though admittedly the kind of power was intimidating at times.

Perhaps the thing that brought him the most pride was that no matter what choice he made, or plan of action he took, his brothers would follow him. When the situation called for it, all three of them knew to keep quiet and follow him. It showed the trust they put in him. If the Shredder stood before them he wouldn't have to look behind him to see if his brothers were there, he knew it. Even if he made a foolish choice which led to injury and a retreat, they would follow him. Again he found it both something to be proud of and yet incredibly intimidating.

Leonardo knew that he wasn't the perfect leader as perfection was impossible. That didn't mean he could be his very best, however. He was confident in his abilities without being overconfident, he was sure in his step without being cocky, he was attentive and disciplined without being paranoid or arrogant. He had the knowledge that if he needed to protect his family that he could without any trouble and having that knowledge made everything worth it.

Being the leader and eldest of his brothers was a huge responsibility, whether his siblings realized it or not. But it was one he bore in silence because it was part of what he did. He was strong and selfless as a leader should be.

He was Leonardo and that was all he could be.

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><p><strong>Felt like switching things up and putting out a Leo centric. SEE? I love all the turtles, though Mikey remains my favorite, hence why there are so many Mikey centrics that I've written haha! <strong>

**Hope you enjoyed, R&R if you want.**

**~Ghosties**


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